ir-translation

1. Do you know why it's easy for a hunter to find a leopard?

Because a leopard is always spotted.

"to spot", verb : to see, to identify.
"spotted", adjective : with spots.

2. When gambling became legal in the city, everyone agreed that the city was now a bettor place.

This is an auditory pun. It doesn't work on the written page. It must be heard. This type of pun improves the learner's listening skills. What we hear could be either of two words that sound the same (homonyms):

"better", adjective : an improvement, therefore "an improved place".
"bettor", noun : gambler, someone who bets, therefore "a place for gamblers".

3. The principal called the young, cross-eyed teacher into his office. "I'm sorry to say, Ms. Jones, we're going to have to let you go."

"But why, sir? I thought I was doing a good job."

"It's simple," said the principal, "you can't control your pupils.".

Of course, the word "pupil" could refer to a student or to the middle of the iris of the eye.

4.My friend, Sam, had decided his kitchen needed painting, and instead of hiring a professional, he decided to do it himself.

In the afternoon, I went over to his house to see if he needed some help. When I arrived, I found Sam working hard painting the kitchen walls. But instead of wearing old clothes, he was wearing a leather jacket and a ski parka.

I asked him why he was dressed that way on such a hot day.

He brought me the paint bucket and told me to read the instructions. I did. It said, "For best results, put on two coats."

The pun is the word "coat" can be either another layer of paint or an article of clothing.

5.The previous pun about the extra "coat" reminds me of the dog that has a fur coat and pants.

OK, the dog has a fur coat but it doesn't have fur trousers. In this case "pants" also means the way dogs breathe rapidly and noisily.

A police officer stops a woman for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

"in a huff": annoyed
"get your act together": get organized

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3".

They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4".

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"

"overpass": viaduct
"rig": here it means "truck". Any specialized tool or mechanical arrangement.
"clearance": room to pass, or "clear". "Clearance" is the noun of the verb "to clear" which means (among other meanings): "go through without touching".
11' 3" is the abbreviation of 11 feet 3 inches.
12' 4" is the abbreviation of 12 feet 4 inches.

One foot = 30.5 cm, 1 inch = 2.5 cm.
11'3" = (11x30.5) + (3x2.5) = 343 cm or 3.43 m
12'4" = (12x30.5) + (4x2.5) = 376 cm or 3.76 m

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6 foot 2, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 54 years old, 5 foot 6, chubby, weighs 275 pounds, is bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

Hubby: popular form of "husband", spouse.
distraught: stressed, very worried.
chubby: slightly fat.
mean: In this context, strict, severe, even a little cruel.
bald: no hair.
next-door neighbor: the person who lives in the house to one side of yours.
5 foot 6: five feet and 6 inches (167 cm); i.e. short .
6 foot 2: six feet and 2 inches (188 cm); i.e. tall .
1 kg = 2.2 pounds
185 pounds = 84 kg.; i.e. slim .
275 pounds = 125 kg.; i.e. fat.